[078] This is a Rant.

078

I need to vent.

I had been texting/emailing this guy all week trying to get to know him. On paper he’s pretty much perfect: intelligent, driven, kind, cute, although a little shorter than someone I’d typically go for, and just overall awesome. We had a date yesterday. He picked me up, we went to dinner at this place on the water, shared dessert, and then went to some bar to continue the date. He drove me home, and kissed me goodnight after he walked me to my door. The kiss didn’t make me feel anything. Technically the kiss was about as perfect as it gets, but I didn’t feel any excitement.

So today when he texted me I didn’t really know what to say. I was going to give it a couple more dates to see if anything changed, but he forced my hand. So I told him the truth in the gentlest way possible, told him I truthfully wanted to be friends, even though it’s beyond cliche,  and waited to see what he had to say. He understood, but said that he couldn’t be my friend because he likes me too much, and those one sided friendships don’t ever work. I get it. Then he said something along the lines of, “When you’re ready to give up immature boys who don’t know how to treat a woman, let me know.”

Wtf. It’s not like I enjoy getting treated like crap. That comment just really put me in a sour mood. Before 6 months ago I was never the person that would end a relationship. I always got dumped.  I also don’t enjoy being the bitch that crushes guys’ spirits when they really did nothing wrong. Look, I’m sorry if our personalities mesh but I don’t want to kiss you. Dating is hard, and I guess part of me hoped that I could just avoid all of the duties that come with ending it. I would almost rather get dumped by 100 guys than have to feel this shitty every time I have to tell someone it’s not going to work out. I get emotionally involved very quickly, and genuinely care about what happens to a guy whether or not we hit it off. Some people might view that as a strength, but I think it’s a personal weakness. I fall hard, and crash even harder when it doesn’t work out, even if it’s my doing. I’m so over dating, but I guess I’ll keep making myself miserable until I eventually find a person I don’t want to ever be apart from. HA.

 

–  Stephanie

 

P.S. this picture is from last week when I was in a good mood.

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