I came to a realization in the car on my way to work today (music has this weird way of making me think about things I’ve been trying to avoid); when it comes to dating and love, I would rather get rejected or dumped 100 times than have to do it to one person. I just really hate making other people feel like crap.
So naturally, that realization made me realize something else, like most realizations do: I’m ok with getting rejected and dumped because I don’t care if I’m in a relationship or not. I think in my recent dating history the guys I’ve been attracted to are the ones who aren’t looking to get very serious, and subconsciously I put that in the pro column because I don’t want that right now. The guys that have told me that they really like me, and start implying relationshippy things, freak me out, and I want to end things immediately. There hasn’t been anything wrong with them, mostly, except that they want something serious, and I’m all about me right now.
Until recently, I didn’t think that I allowed my last relationship to influence me. Obviously it has, but not necessarily in a bad way. I think I stayed with my ex as long as I did because I was afraid of what would happen if I ended it. Like I said, I don’t like hurting people, and I knew that would hurt him. Now I’m less afraid to end things when I’m not feeling it. I don’t want to drag it out, but I do want to give the guy a reason as to why it’s over and at least try to give him some sort of closure. It would be so much easier if guys could read a girl’s mind.