[206] Life’s Sick Joke

206

Music has this funny way of creeping up on me making me realize things that I’ve been searching for answers to. At this point, I’ve been single for almost a year, and am figuring out that dating, and love in general, isn’t fun until you find it.

There’s the beginning stage of dating when you’re excited to get to know somebody, and learn what they’re all about: their likes, dislikes, common interests, personality traits, and things that make you smile. In the next stage, after some of the butterflies have fluttered away, you start to dig deeper and see if something more than a fling can form. The questions get deeper, and at the first sign of red flags, the butterflies completely disappear and you try and figure out how to let them down gently. If the red flags are more of a fuchsia, and you make it to the next step, you get more and more comfortable with that person opening up about things you don’t tell just anybody. And then you start to fall in love.

But there’s always that one person who completely captivates you and no matter what warning signs you see, it doesn’t negatively affect how you feel about them. You could put yourself through years of torment thinking that maybe one day all the stars will align and you’ll be happy together, but that shit never happens. You’re always going to be an afterthought, and you’ll never end up together. Waiting around for someone who doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t nearly as emotionally invested in it as you are will only leave you disappointed and heartbroken. Eventually you’ll get to your breaking point, and every song will make you think of them, leaving you no way to escape. There will be things you want to say, and that you want them to say to you, but it probably won’t happen. So live in the moment and forget the people who don’t love you the way you love them.

 

– Stephanie

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