[255] Cheat Sheet

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Online dating is rough. That’s not my opinion, it is fact, especially for girls. In true Stephanie fashion here’s a list of things that are good and bad about online dating, and things you should do and definitely try to avoid.

 

1. You can reply to messages and still come off as totally cool, funny and sexy even though you’re in your sweats and haven’t showered today.

2. You have to assume someone you’re seeing is seeing lots of someone elses. You will now know what the girls on The Bachelor feel like.

3. You have to be comfortable enough to actually meet someone in person, unless you’d like to have a virtual relationship forever.

4. You are going to come across some weirdos. If you’re even a little bit attractive it is inevitable. At some point you are going to get a message, or two, from a 40 year-old man who wants to be your sugar daddy. Just say no…unless you’re into stuff like that.

5. You will get very good at extracting information about a person. With the hundreds of “Hey,” “Hi,” “What’s up?,” and other generic messages you will receive, you will figure out who is worth getting more information out of, and exactly how to do it.

6. Get ready to be frustrated, because it’s going to happen a lot. You’ll be chatting with someone and you’ll think it’s going great, but then after 3 dates, they stop texting you like a coward, and you’ll never hear from them again. Shit happens, learn to get over it quickly or you will be perpetually sad.

7. You’re going to go through phases where you get super optimistic and respond to lots of message, and send an abundance of winks and pokes, and then you won’t get any replies from the people you wanted to reply and it will be sad, and then you’ll take a break from online dating. Then you’ll get excited again. It’s a vicious circle. Learn to love it.

8. Don’t be one of those crazy people who thinks that after 3 dates you’re exclusive with someone. When it comes to that, you have to be super explicit and direct otherwise you’re going to be let down. (See #2 for preemptive knowledge to help with this.)

9. It’s ok to be virtually slutty. Send a bunch of messages to¬†people who you think are cool and hopefully cute. Some will write back, and some won’t, but you’ll never know if you don’t go after it. Plus it really doesn’t hurt your chances. Match.com says guys are attracted to confidence…

10. You will learn what your boundaries are very quickly. Stick to them, and you could even go as far as to create a set of rules for yourself to follow no matter what.

11. You will have some fun. It’s not all bad, and sometimes you might find a person who is actually really cool.¬†Just don’t be surprised if you have to fish through a bunch of freaks to find that normal human.

12. You’re bound to see someone’s profile that you know from work, or school, or whatever…block them if you don’t want them to see your profile. They’ll never know…unless they found you first.

13. Girls, if you go on dates with decent guys then chances are they’ll pay for the first couple dates. Enjoy the freebies because eventually they’ll run out, and you’ll start going halfsies on everything. Booooo.

 

I think that’s all I’ve got for now. Good luck, and don’t let anyone murder you!

– Stephanie

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[253] You Can’t Ruin My Day, Rain.

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Today was a buttload of good times. Started out with brunch in Queen Anne with a boy, his roommate, and her sister-in-law. From there we caught a bus downtown, and then walked in the pouring rain to the waterfront to get on an Elliot Bay cruise. We boozed, cruised, and dried off as much as we could. Luckily on the walk back up to hit Pike Place Pub, the rain mostly stopped, and I wasn’t nearly as wet and uncomfortable. After some drinks and foods we caught another bus back to Queen Anne and just hung out. Listened to music, talked books a little bit, and…just…hung out. The boy’s roommate’s sister-in-law made lasagna and garlic bread for dinner and we all watched Inception, drank wine, and then watch Pitch Perfect. It was kind of really great.

– Stephanie

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[252] Hallelujah!

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Besides the fact that it’s Friday, something else amazing happened. A bunch of us ladies went to The Commons for lunch to celebrate someone’s last day. Lunch was normal; we ate food, chatted, and were generally merry. When we hopped on a shuttle back to our building, everything changed, but for the better. Our shuttle driver was an absolute pleasure to be around. His laugh was infectious, and his words, kind and from the heart. We asked why there was a small, lonely shoe in his console, and he said, “Where I’m from in the Philippines, when you find a child’s shoe, as a cab driver,¬†you put it in your vehicle to remember your children or grandchildren so that you drive safely for whoever is in your car.” Naturally we all melted, and then asked what his name was. Everyone calls him¬†Hallelujah Tony because there are, like, 5 Tonys: there’s the tall one, the short one, the fat one, the skinny one, and then him. I feel like there’s so much more I wanted to say about Hallelujah Tony, but it was such a short shuttle ride, and now I wish I knew more about him. Service with a smile!

– Stephanie

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[251] The Sun Will Come Out…Tomorrow?

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I feel really bad for the girl that just had to deal with me. So I told you that I ripped my pants earlier in the week, but what I didn’t tell you was that it was actually the second pair of those same pants that have ripped in the same place: the ass. The first time it happened to someone else who I lent said pants to, and it was sort of funny then, but when it happened Tuesday, it was not funny. So naturally, I was pissed.

When I got home from work and I called customer service. Obviously I was hoping for either a refund or replacement because I really do love the pants, but that’s not what I got. This girl was very nice, and I tried not to yell, but when she kept putting me on hold and coming back only to tell me that she couldn’t do anything because there wasn’t a tag on the pants I started getting more and more angry. No shit there’s not a tag on the pants. I wore them. How else would they rip? When she tried to imply that maybe the pants were too small of a size, I lost it. I told her that was rude and that I wanted to talk to someone higher up, and when she put her manager on the phone this woman didn’t even apologize for her employee. She was like a fucking robot telling me that unless the pants had a tag on them, there was nothing they could do. I retold her the story of how this was actually the SECOND pair that ripped up the ass, and all I could manage to squeeze out of her was a discount code that would give me 10% off my next order AND that when I use this code, it makes the sale final, so no refunds or exchanges. Thanks for practically nothing Forever21. Boo you.

 

– Stephanie

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[250] Wednesday, You Suck Too.

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I woke up sweating my balls off, which is not normal for me, thank goodness, so I took my temperature and it was 100.2. Since I was definitely not going into work I turned my heated mattress pad off, and went back to sleep. I’ve been sitting in bed literally all day catching up on my stories, pinning things, sleeping, eating things, drinking lots of tea, and just generally resting up. Even though it sucks to be sick, I do feel better, and apparently needed the rest.

– Stephanie

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[249] Bite Me, Tuesday.

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Today ended up being pretty neutral, but only because the good and the bad canceled each other out. In true Stephanie fashion I’ll make a list for you.

Good:

  1. I had an off-site for work in Seattle. It was just my team, so 6 of us, it was a lot of fun, plus we talked about some pretty exciting work things.
  2. I got a new pair of pants.
  3. I had a fantastic lunch from this little Mexican place in Queen Anne.
  4. I had a really great letterpress class, and I’m super excited for the project I’m working on.
  5. I have a heated mattress pad on my bed.

Bad:

  1. It took me over an hour to get to the off-site in Seattle.
  2. My pants ripped up the ass, and I didn’t realize until I sat down on a cold wood chair, so that’s why I got a new pair of pants.
  3. Lunch was great, but I walked there in my ripped pants.
  4. I was mouth breathing my entire letterpress class, and I was so doped up on sick people drugs my brain wasn’t functioning so I hardly got anything done.
  5. I didn’t get home until 10:30pm and I had heels on all day so I wanted to saw my feet off.

So, yeah…that was my Tuesday.

– Stephanie

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[248] Fall is Here and Winter is Coming

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That’s what she said.

Anyways, Fall is officially here in Seattle. Unfortunately, that means the rain is back. It was POURING this morning so naturally I shot an #instavid while I was getting ready for work. The rain brings a few things with it that include, but are not limited to:

1. Sweaters, like, everyday.

2. Boots, also, like, everyday.

3. Pumpkin and apple everything. So far I’ve only indulged in pumpkin lattes, and one apple crisp, but I’m fixin’ to start incorporating¬†pumpkin and apple¬†into more foods. And baking lots of pumpkin shit. I have a ridiculous arsenal built up.

4. Putting my iPod on random and hoping that it knows what kind of mood I’m in. (Today it did, and I was very grateful.) I guess this isn’t specific to Fall, but I hadn’t done it all Summer and I did today, so it made sense to relate it to Fall.

5. The way the air smells when it rains. It’s actually kind of a neutral smell, and the only reason I say that is because I can smell my laundry detergent on my clothes much easier than I was able to during the summer.

6. SO MUCH SOUP. Soup is a staple of my diet in the colder months and I actually started stocking up on recipes and already made soups months ago.

7. Blankets, fireplaces, and other warm things. I closed the windows over the weekend when it dropped below 60, but I refuse to turn the heat on yet. (Thanks for inadvertently turning me into a heat miser, dad.)

8. Cuddling. Whether it’s with someone else, or alone (although I’m not sure how possible it is to cuddle with yourself), being wrapped up in something or someone gets kicked up a¬†notch in the fall.

9. Hot tea. Right now I’m drinking up the tail end of my fruitea collection so I’ll need to stock up on chai and apple spice like teas, stat.

10. Being lazy, and not feeling bad about it. Football season is in full swing and I refuse to feel bad about plopping my ass down on the couch to watch 9 hours of unadulterated fun. Except when my Giants and fantasy team get spanked so hard a handprint is left behind for days.

I’m sure there are more things I could add to¬†this list, but ten is a nice round number, and we all know I’m a little OCD about shit like that.

– Stephanie

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[247] Balls.

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I had planned on writing something that I thought was going to be pretty great, and now I can’t remember what it was. Shit.

Also, this picture is from yesterday. I’m failing at blogging right now.

UPDATE: I remembered what I wanted to say. Is it weird that I’m waiting to buy a massive amount of Palmer’s Cocoa Butter (in stick form) from Amazon until October 1 because I’ll get extra credit card points?

– Stephanie

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[246] Dead Brain

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I have SO much respect for stay-at-home moms, nannies, and all other people who take care of other humans as their job. I’ve only been doing it for 24 hours, and although I’m sure I could do it if I had to, aka a surprise pregnancy, but in no way am I planning for a surprise pregnancy…I’m not even getting any right now, but it’s exhausting, and I have dead brain. Anyways, if today has taught me anything, it’s that I definitely want kids at some point, but taking care of Christian this weekend was a concentrated dose of birth control.

– Stephanie

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