[281] Sorry I’ve Been Acting Cray Cray

281

Ladies, how do we let guys turn us into crazy, weakened knees, helpless girls?

I hate it. I always feel like I’m in such control, especially when it comes to dating, because apparently it’s difficult for me to find someone that really gets me excited and nervous about dating. So, when I do come across someone that completely baffles and takes me by surprise, I get taken to this place where I’ll do practically anything to spend more time with them. I transform from a confident, funny, beautiful, smart woman into a sort of neurotic, overanalyzing, worried he doesn’t like me anymore because he hasn’t texted me back…girl.

It takes me back to high school when I didn’t know who I was or how amazing I could be. A time when I was ok with letting guys, and people in general, walk all over me and do whatever they wanted. I like to think that I’m fairly modest, but I know that I have a lot to offer to someone who can appreciate it. This feeling I get when I meet someone I deem interesting enough to get to know, makes me feel small and helpless. I want to put everything I have into learning about this person, but even now, after getting to know myself, there’s still this little voice in my head that makes me think they won’t ever be into me as much as I’m into them. It’s this awful, backward defense mechanism I use to protect myself, I think, but instead I just overcompensate and drive people away. So, to anyone who’s been experiencing this side of me, I’m sorry. It’s totally not me, and it’s something I’m continuously working on, but old habits die hard.

– Stephanie

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